Sing a (Few) Song(s) of Chemistry
Index (last updated 2/24/04
Physical Chemistry (Tune: "The Little Drummer Boy") Come, they told me, to Physical Chem (Heisenberg, Heisenberg, Heisenberg) You'll be unsure all year in Physical Chem (Heisenberg, Heisenberg, Heisenberg) Is light like a ball or is it like a jump rope (Heisenberg, Heisenberg, Heisenberg) With all these crazy ideas I really can't cope There is no hope Feel like a dope (Heisenberg, Heisenberg, Heisenberg) I know I'll never pass this frustrating course, Physical Chem En-tro-py is alive in Physical Chem (delta S delta S delta S) Learn all that thermo jive in Physical Chem (delta S delta S delta S) Delta G, H, U, dq and T delta S (delta S delta S delta S) Laws zero through three, that seems to me an excess My life is a mess I must confess I hate Physical Chem Don't, make waves they said in Physical Chem (Psi Psi Psi) Schrodinger's not dead in Physical Chem (Psi Psi Psi) Complex wavefunctions are so hard to make (Psi Psi Psi) This quantum weirdness just gives me a headache Give me a break Why must I take Physical Chem I'll get an M-B-A, not a P-h-D Thanks to Physical Chem return to index Organic Synthesis (Tune: "I Don't Know How to Love Him") I don't know how to make it Should I stir, should I shake it I don't care, the flask's not tared In the past few days, when I made my stuff It might be something else. I just don't understand this I don't see why it stops there An amine, just an amine And I've made so many, amines before In oh so many ways. It's just one more. Should I spin it down? Should I dry it out? Should I try a base? I could scream and shout I never thought I'd come to this. What's it all about? All my lab work is now micro I can't even see my product It might be there -- but I don't care SN1 or SN2 -- I don't know what to do I'll simply sit and watch, for a little while Should I heat it more? Should I TLC? Run an NMR? Why's it always me? I never thought I'd come to this. What's it all about? I just don't know how to make it. Maybe I can simply fake it I don't care. My prof would swear. She'd rant, she'd rave, but what the hell She wouldn't have to know. I'll fool her so. return to index Silver One-Pot Song (with D. Davenport) (Tune: "Silver Bells") Silver nitrate, in your one-pot, add bicarbonate say, And at once there's a feeling of winter, Then hydroxide, makes it muddy, until chloride in turn Changes mud into white curds and whey. Silver ions, silver ions, It's one-pot time in the city, Ring-a-ling, re-act-ing, If you'll just do it our way. Pour ammonia, in your one-pot, see the curds go away, They return when some bromide is added, Get the hypo, from the darkroom, watch them vanish from view And the beaker becomes crystal clear. Silver ions, silver ions, It's one-pot time in the city, Ring-a-ling, re-act-ing, If you'll just do it our way. Take some iodide, then some cyanide, in your one-pot we mean, See the solids, appearing and going; Lastly sulfide, smelly sulfide, changes day into night, And the tarnish will never come clean. Silver ions, silver ions, It's one-pot time in the city, Ring-a-ling, re-act-ing, If you'll just do it our way. return to index Iron (Tune: Frankie and Johnny) Iron two and citrate they complex A light yellow color they form Add some sodium hydroxide and a dark green solid is formed But that's alright, we'll soon make it clear Next add our old friend peroxide Now we're up to iron three Excess chloride, when acidified, its the prettiest yellow you'll see Then salicylate, that purple color's just great When Frankie shot Johnny the heme flowed And soon that old lecher was dead When we add thiocyanate, the iron turns blood red They're not the same, but they're in the same vein Hexacyanoferrate Forms a complex with iron plus two Then oxidize to Prussian blue, a complex that's complex its true Then hydroxide and then sulfide This part of our story is ended We hope that you liked it a lot To teach some real hot chemistry, you should do it in one pot But we're not through, in fact there's much more to do return to index This is an additional verse to Tom Lehrer's "The Elements" that picks up at the ending to his version, and adds information on the elements now known (even at Harvard) which had not been identified in 1959 Since Tom Lehrer wrote this song way back in nineteen fifty nine New elements are known, they now number more than one-oh-nine There's 103, where Lehrer left off, the element Lawrencium And for awhile they gave the ones that followed names nonsensium Like 104 which for a time was known as unnilquadrium But now we know that it was named for Ernest Rutherfordium And 105 we Otto know officially as Hahnium And 107 has been named for that great Dane NielsBohrium Once unniloctium, the next one's now called simply Hessium If Napoleon named them all then we'd have Emporessium The second woman honored gives us 109, Meitnerium Her contributions were for many years just viewed as secondarium This last guy's work is just too good for namers to ignorium Now 106 forever after will be called Seaborgium They've claimed 110 and 111, from just one atom at a time The periodic table grows, from work both high powered and sublime return to index Nickel One-Pot Song (Tune: "Five-Foot Two") Nickel two of greenish hue Add some chloride, do, do, do It turns yellow, you know it's d eight. (and it's a tetrahedron) There's lots of green, then an ammine A deep blue color as you've seen An octahedral complex now. At high pH with DMG A scarlet solid starts to form Based on a square, but please beware Extended bonding is the norm We're almost through with nickel two Add some sulfide oh PU! Our nickel one-pot's done with now. return to index Copper One-Pot Song (Tune: "Copper Kettle") Get you some copper metal Maybe some copper foil; Toss in some nitric acid And watch the one-pot boil. Now add some sodium bromide To give an emerald green A tetrahedral complex The prettiest we've seen. Next oxalate and carbonate Both solids - kinda blue But ammonia clears it all up As you knew that it would do. We've almost finished copper A few more steps it's true We'll blacken our pot with sulfide And once we do we're through. return to index Manganese One-Pot Song (Tune: "Jealously" (with slight modification)) Man-gan-ese, Your colors surely please The purple of passion, the blue-green of fashion From three -to seven, an artist's palette's heaven Plus two is colorless, the spin just can't change I guess Start with per-man-ga-nate reduce it with bisulfite, Add sulfuric. acid m n o two its black as the night And down to three And red you'll see Dear old plus two Lets all light through There's more to do Bismuthate, it causes oxida- Tion back to the seven state Dear old permanganate return to index Chromium One Pot Song (Tune: "O'Tannenbaum") O'chromium, O'chromium We'll start out with the plus three state O'chromium, O'chromium To oxidize will be our fate Plus three what colors, what a range But ligands show such slow exchange Peroxide will our savior be We're done with thee o' chromium three And now we're up to four and five We hope to finish at chromate The species we find in between On that we'll have to cogitate We play around with peroxide Yellow to blue when acidified We're almost done, its much too late Throw it all down as lead chromate return to index Cobalt One Pot Song (Tune: "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") We started out with cobalt two hurrah, hurrah In ethanol pink turns to blue hurrah, hurrah Then back to pink, add carbonate, a lavender precipitate Which turns to blue then green, its true, with N A OH Then add some H C L. and it all turns back to pink Then add some tartrate. careful here, what do you think Will happen if we oxidize, green!, can you believe your eyes Some ferrocyanide, then bipy and bor-o-hydride We're almost done we've had such fun - hurrah, hurrah We've got the cobalt down to one - hurrah, hurrah What shall we mix, into our stew, add some sulfide wouldn't you A long way to go for a black precipitate return to index Vanadium One Pot Song (Tune: "I Don't Know How To Love Him") I don't know how to make it No one's watching I'll just fake it I'm so glum - vanadium Why can't you be, all in plus three With colors bright and gay - but there's no way All the faculty had warned me I'd regret my decision There's oxy ions - at several states And many of the vanadates are polymers no less - oh what a mess But I reduced it down, ammonium vanadate Thru green and blue, then to the plus two state The colors fell right into line I felt they were all mine - it was so fine Now I'll oxidize to five or six I'll use peroxide or permanganate And soon I'll stop, just one more drop We've come full circle, its been such fun Stand proud your time has come - vanadium return to index Hyperchem
(Tune: “Jingle Bells”
You can calculate an MO
with semiempirical
or ab initio
and it will be beautiful
You can optimize the shape
minimize the energy too
and those are just a few of the many
wonderful things you can do, with
Hyperchem, Hyperchem,
We love Hyperchem,
MM-plus and PM3
and rotational barriers too,
Oh Hyperchem, Hyperchem
We love Hyperchem,
We don't need the beakers and the flasks
Our labs are all Hyperchem
Is it a greenhouse gas,
Will it cure cancer too,
Does it react by redox,
or is it SN2,
Is the lone pair on the C,
Is the LUMO on the O,
No need to mess with chemicals
You learn all you need to know, from
Hyperchem, Hyperchem,
We love Hyperchem
torsional angles,
dipole moments
And heats of formation too,
Oh Hyperchem, Hyperchem
We love Hyperchem
We could sing all day about Hyperchem
But it looks like we are through
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