Let her know that she can talk with you. Listen carefully and respond to feelings as well as words. Try to clarify and reflect on what she has said

Rarely does someone invent a rape or assault. It is not necessary for you to decide if she was greatly attacked If she says she was, then that should be enough.

Reassure the survivor that it is not her fault. No one deserves to be raped or assaulted, regardless of the circumstances. Remind her that she is not responsible for the assailant's actions.

A sense of control can be very important for a survivor. Assault leaves a person feeling helpless, out of control, and unsure of whom to trust including herself. As a supporter, you are in a position to reaffirm her belief in herself. Let her make her own decisions. Do not assume anything about her needs or abilities. If you have information, pass it on and let her decide what to do with it. Then stand by in case she needs further support. For example, ask her if she wants to go to the hospital, and if she does, ask how you can help (i.e. make a call, arrange transportation etc.).

Let her decide whom she will tell. Don't push her to talk about something If she's not comfortable doing so. Encourage her to seek support and assistance from others. If she doesn't want to report the assault to Campus Police, ask her if she minds if you fill out an Anonymous Report Form. Reassure her that no one needs to know she was involved.

Hearing about the rape of a family member, friend or fellow student is upsetting. You may feel scared, angry, helpless, or sad. In this case, it's often helpful to talk with someone. Some of the resources on campus available to you are Res Staff, the Stone Center and the Chaplaincy.

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After this initial phase, which can last anywhere from a few hours to weeks, months or even years, other emotions come into play. It is common for a woman who has been raped to feel that she is going crazy: so many different perceptions to deal with. A rape survivor may experience fears: of darkness, of being alone, of being in crowds, of men, of being raped again.

She may feel that the rape was her fault or that she could have done something to prevent it. She may feel guilty, ashamed and vulnerable in ways she has never experienced before. She may have trouble trusting other people. Sexual intimacy may be difficult if it brings painful memories or a fear of losing control. A survivor may feel alone in her experience, that no one can understand, and may isolate herself. One woman may feel intense anger and even have violent revenge fantasies, while another may not experience anger at all.

All of these feelings and reactions are normal responses to rape. It is also common for some feelings to resurface or new ones to emerge later on in a survivor's life. Periods of stress, new intimate relationships, or the anniversary of the rape can be some of the triggers for intense new feelings.

Acquaintance rape means that someone you know forces you to have a sexual encounter involving penetration (e.g. oral sex or intercourse) against your will. Whether you are too scared to argue, too drunk to refuse, passed out, or for some other reason, you do not give consent, you have been raped and are not at fault. The risk of becoming a Victim of acquaintance rape is four times greater than of stranger rape (NECSAN, 1993). In fact, more than half of women who report being raped knew their attackers.

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Safety

• Be aware of your surroundings at all times.
• Look for situations on campus that might encourage crime, and report them to Campus Police @ x 2121.
• Use well lighted, well traveled routes, and try to walk with friends.
• Make use of the Wellesley College Escort Service after dark. If the shuttle service has closed for the evening, call Campus Police for an escort.
• If you see any unusual activity or an actual crime, report it immediately to Campus Police. If an emergency situation occurs, go to a blue emergency phone and hit the red button. That will immediately connect you to Campus Police, and a dispatcher will help you.
• Adhere to college policy on admittance of non-College persons into Wellesley College buildings. Get to know your neighbors, and watch out for each other.
• Take seriously threats made against you or someone you know. Report your concerns to appropriate authorities, (Including Res Staff and Campus Police.)
• Trust your instincts. Your intuition can often tell you when you are in a potentially dangerous situation.

Training in any area of self defense is one option to reduce your risk of being assaulted. The benefit of such training is not only to increase one's strength and skill, but also to increase self-awareness, self confidence, and to improve judgment about how to best respond in a given situation. Training in self defense is available on campus through the Physical Education Department, which has a semester long class. The Wellesley College Police Department offers the Rape Aggression Defense (R.A.D.) Systems program, a 15 hour self defense program for women with basic and advanced classes scheduled throughout the school year.

There is no right or wrong way to respond to an attack. Whatever you do to survive is okay!

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• displays jealousy and possessiveness?
• attempts to keep you apart from friends?
• frequently checks up on you?
• will not accept ending the relationship? attempts to control aspects of your life? gives orders, is bossy, makes all the decisions? reacts unpredictably to things that are said and done? is or has been violent in other relationships; has a history of fighting? loses his/her temper quickly? is manipulative in his/her demands? (i.e. If you really loved me, you would. ..)
• threatens suicide?
• thinks women are sex objects?
• abuses drugs and/or alcohol and pressures you to use them as well?
• believes that she/he should be powerful and in control?
• believes that you should be quiet and submissive?
• has previously been violent towards you, verbally and/or physically?

These are signs of potentially violent relationship. If you become aware that a relationship is developing along these lines, consider getting help.I

nterpersonal Violence affects women In all strata of society, regardless of social class, professional status, sexual orientation, or race. Abused women tend to experience fear and shame about the violence in their relationships and often feel responsible for its success or failure.

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A. attempting to cause or causing physical harm

B. placing another in fear of immanent serious physical harm

C. causing another to engage involuntarily in sexual relations by force, threat or duress.

Family or household members are persons who:

A. are or were married to one another

B. are or were residing together in the same household

C. are or were related by blood or marriage

D. have a child in common regardless of whether they have been married or lived together: or

E. are or have been In a substantive dating or engagement relationship.

Interpersonal violence is a crime, and those convicted can be sent to prison. Each year, over two million women are severely assaulted by their male partners. The abuse is usually repetitive and increases in frequency and severity over time. No one has the right to physically abuse you, EVER, AT ANY TIME. FOR ANY REASONS

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(l.)willfully, maliciously and repeatedly

(2.)follows and harasses another person

(3.)and who makes a threat with the intent to place that person in imminent fear of death or serious bodily injury.

Whoever in violation of a temporary or permanent vacate, restraining or noncontact order or judgment pursuant to various applications of the Massachusetts General Laws or a temporary restraining order or preliminary or permanent injunction issued by the superior court commits the crime of stalking is guilty of stalking in violation of a court order.

Stalking is punishable by imprisonment of up to 5 years or by a fine of up to one thousand dollars, or both. Stalking in violation of a restraining order is punishable by imprisonment for not less than one year, but not more than 5 years.

Help is available

Stalking is a crime which can be both subtle and pervasive, and can leave a victim feeling helpless and terrorized. But there is help, and if you feel that you are being stalked, contact any of the on or off-campus resources listed in this booklet for assistance and advice.

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When a woman is subjected to physical violence within an intimate context (i.e. by a close friend, lover, parent, sibling or other trusted one), she may experience many different responses. These may include an initial sense of shock and disbelief followed by a tendency to search for the cause of the abuse. The woman may blame the aggressor, but often she will ally herself with him/her and blame herself. She may feel deep shame, and a sense of having done something bad which merited the abuse. Survivors of interpersonal violence often feel a deep sense of guilt and a subsequent need to punish themselves. Many women may keep the abuse a secret, which can increase their feelings of disempowerment and isolation.

An abusive experience, even if it occurs just once, may trigger memories of post abuse. The recollection of things long forgotten may start a frightening process. Many women experiencing old memories feel confused and overcome by fear that may seem irrational in their present situation.

Some women may experience a range of physical responses including: nausea, dizziness, loss of appetite and sleep. They may have self destructive ideas, intense rage, want to kill someone, or feel that they're losing their mind.

If the abusive behavior is ongoing, the victim may become physically or verbally assaulting herself, thus becoming even more at risk for physical and psychological trauma Or she may become preoccupied (to the exclusion of anything else) with watching for clues in the environment or in the abuser to avoid causing assaultive behavior. She may experience numbness, disassociation from feelings and needs, a distorted sense of self, low self esteem, and total despair.

Remember, no matter how you look, what you say, or how you react, violence Is always the responsibility of the perpetrator. You deserve to be safe.

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Both RAs and Heads of House are trained to listen to any concern or problem students may have. This discussion is confidential unless you or the community are thought to be at risk. RAs and Heads of House have complete information on available services and options. They can provide help and support while you decide what to do.

The Health Service and the Stone Center are open to students in need 24 hours a day. The after hours phone number for both facilities is (781) 283-2810.

Members of the Chaplaincy are available for support to students individually or in groups. You may make an appointment to meet with someone by calling (781) 283-2685. In an emergency, the chaplain of your choosing may be reached through Campus Police.

The emergency number for Campus Police is( 781) 283-5555. Any officer can help you. All members of the Force have been trained to respond appropriately in the areas of 'sensitive crime'. A female officer is available one-on-one basis 24 hours a day.

Often a close friend or an Advocate can be an important resource in helping you through a difficult situation.

Members of the Cultural Advising Network are also available for support tostudents. Composed of staff from various departments and organizations across campus, they are listed individually, under the Cultural Advising Network heading in the Campus telephone directory.

As with sexual assault, cases of interpersonal Violence are significantly underreported. It is strongly suspected that there are at least 10 times more cases than are reported each year in the U.S. ~~A very conservative estimate is that there are 2 million battered women nationwide, per year (MA Attorney General's Office, 1993).