• Listen
carefully and non-judgementally to what your daughter is saying and don’t assume you have all the answers.
• Ask Questions
but do not overwhelm or grill your daughter. Friendly discussions are best.
• Stay informed
by checking the Parent and Family PAGE to find out about what is happening on campus. Knowing that mid-term examinations are about to begin or that a major paper is due soon, for example, can help parents understand why students may be acting edgy.
• Stay in touch
by sending emails and care packages that contain the hometown paper, cookies, pictures of the family pet, and anything else that will let your daughter know that she is thought of and cared for.
• Expect things to change and stay the same
as your daughter navigates the first few years at College. These changes are normal so try to be patient during this time. While your daughter is going through changes at school, it can be difficult for them to accept changes in their home life. You might wait a semester or two before you turn your daughter's bedroom into an exercise gym or guest room.
• Stay calm when they panic
and call you late at night in distress. Your daughters are used to turning to you for support and guidance. At these times it is especially important to remember that once they have expressed all their fears and apprehensions, they will feel better. You may not, but they will. Being especially encouraging and supportive at these times will go a long way to help them see that their problem may be more manageable than they thought.
• Campus visits
Although some students may be reluctant to admit it, most very much appreciate visits from home, especially if they include dining out and/or shopping for a few necessities. Showing parents around the campus can be an important way for many students to bring two of their important worlds together. Whereas many may enjoy drop-in visits, most prefer visits that are planned.
• Visits home
Because your daughter has been living independently, she may view some of the house rules that were in place during high school as unrealistic. It is important to discuss their feelings about this so that a common understanding can be reached, preferably before they arrive home.
For those returning home for their first visit, catching up with high school friends can be a major time commitment that may interfere with a parent's plans for "family time." Try not to personalize these choices by keeping a sense of humor about the process. It will make the time you DO have with them more positive and memorable.
• Trust them
The college experience represents the first opportunity for most students to try out newly-gained independence. Because many situations are new to first-year students, expect them to make a few mistakes. When they do, it is important to keep in mind that few of the mistakes they make will be irrevocable or disastrous. And, many of them will be surprisingly similar to the mistakes made by most other college students.
One thing is certain, however, your daughter will learn from the mistakes she makes and will be much more skilled and confident in dealing with similar situations in the future. Trusting them when they need it most will go a long way towards assuring this.
• Other information parents should know
Most 18 and 19 year olds who enter college for the first time are faced with several important developmental challenges separate from those posed by their academic coursework. To the degree these challenges are mastered determines in large part how quickly they will adjust to the university environment. They include: learning to live with others (for many it is the first time they have shared a space with someone other than a family member); making decisions regarding self-regulation (e.g., whether and/or how much to eat, sleep, drink, study, etc.); and making preliminary decisions about what they are going to do with the rest of their life (selecting a major or a career option).